The Baby is Being So Mean!!

That's the common complaint I hear from Lisa during the early stages of this pregnancy, and it makes me laugh every time she says it - mostly because she says it in the cutest voice. Me, being the loving husband that I am, always answer with a very compassionate, "You wanted this." I know - husband of the year material. And yes, I want this baby too. As I have mentioned to Lisa and others, I am tickled to death about this. Yes, I said 'tickled' - so what? But it is times like these that I hold to my usual motto - 'Being a Guy Rules!' I get a healthy dose of the joy with zero nauseous side-effects.

Luckily, her nausea has been rather tame. According to her, she feels lucky that it is relatively mild. She hasn't been as sick as her mother used to get during her child-bearing years. For that, we are both grateful.

Unfortunately, last week, a woman with whom I work miscarried. I don't even want to consider that possibility for our little raspberry (that's the current size of the baby, according to Lisa. I feel like a man walking through a farmer's market more than experiencing his wife's first pregnancy). In my head, I know that these types of things happen, and part of me is remaining on alert until we get out of this first trimester. With Lisa's past PCOS, our difficulty conceiving and this being her first pregnancy, mixed with my statistical way of thinking, I would consider Lisa's pregnancy to be on the side of greater risk. I wouldn't say high-risk, just riskier than others.

How would I react if we were to experience a miscarriage? It scares me to think of such a dire outcome to a very jubiliant time. I don't want to think about it, but feel it is my responsibility to have the strength to be her comfort should that be the plan of our Heavenly Father. I pray that it will all go smoothly and that we will be meeting our new addition in another 32 weeks, but I will remain on guard until I know he or she is healthy, safe and developing normally.

On a more amusing and upbeat note, Lisa asked me to scold the little baby last night for being so mean to her. I pointed to her tummy and firmly rebuked, "Bad baby." She's already turning me into the disciplinarian.

That We Might Have Joy...

On Friday, June 26th, 2009, the answer to a fervent prayer was answered. The exciting dream became a reality - we are pregnant. Yes, I am a fully functioning male, able to put a baby in the woman that I love. Lisa and I have been trying to get pregnant for 6 years. I am going to be a father; Lisa - a mother. The realization of a growing, eternal family unit finally coming to fruition.

Lisa told me in the funniest way. On that fateful Friday, we met for lunch at Pei Wei. I arrived ahead of her and was waiting outside on a bench. When Lisa arrived, she noticed me and came running towards me. I noticed the bright pink hue of the shirt she was wearing, and I squinted to read it in the blinding summer sun of Arizona. The shirt declared proudly, "I'm not fat! I'M KNOCKED UP!" She threw her arms around me, kissed me and produced the positive pregnancy test from her purse. She drew back, looked into my eyes and questioned, "No tears?"

I guess I am made of stone - but in that moment, I was filled with thoughts and emotions with the realization that our lives were changing eternally and for the better. In my mind, I thought of the words of my patriarchal blessing (to be shared in another post); I thought of the wonderful joy that will be blessing this choice heavenly spirit that our Heavenly Father has chosen to place in our care. I thought of the struggles, the happiness - the fears and hopes that such a change brings. In the end I was, and am, completely ecstatic.

I am creating this blog as a clandestine journey into my thoughts, emotions and feelings as they progress through this pregnancy. My desire is to share this with Lisa once our child is born - that she may have a journal that will hopefully shed a light on the emotions that I don't always freely share or express.

I love my eternal companion with all of my heart. I am so happy to be taking this journey with her. I am completely in awe of the concept of being trusted with such a special gift. I hope that I can live up to my potential as a husband, father and companion. It's going to be one heck of a ride!