So, back in July, I arrived home from work to find my beautiful wife doing some baby research online. I walked into the office, and she pleasantly greeted me with, "Do you want to buy me a present?" I replied, in typical Husband-of-the-Year fashion with, "Why would I want to buy you a present?"
That didn't seem to faze her as she reached over and grabbed a small catalog from a little outfit named Uncommon Goods. What she found in this little catalog was a onesie, and matching hat, that simply stated, "I was worth the wait." Well, talk about a way to melt your heart, but not in that annoying, gooey, contrived-chick-flick-kind of way... I still am not so sure about this whole baby thing. It is still so new to me, and without there being any indication that Lisa is actually pregnant other than the nausea and the long-since-erased digital read-out on a pregnancy test, I still sit in a state of bewilderment. I suppose this is to be expected. I was getting all of the attention - soon, I won't. I have no clue how to handle a child - no siblings on whom I could have practiced, no real interaction at all. Why would a truly loving God give me a child? Oh, wait, He is giving the two of us a child. I will be just as helpless as the baby when it is first born. I bet Lisa had no idea that she was going to have to teach two individuals at the same time. Hopefully I will be a quick study.
This little bundle of joy will be worth the wait. I am sure of that. But for me, right now, to feel love towards it is something I am not able to do. Perhaps it is a guarded nature to be prepared in case something catastrophic should happen, but I just don't feel that love yet, and that scares the hell out of me. It makes me wonder if this is normal, or if I am truly so hopelessly selfish and made of stone that I am incapable? I hope not.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
They Found Him! They Found Him!!
So the other day - Sunday, for those of you keeping score at home - Lisa and I got up early as usual to get ready for church. We enjoyed a little breakfast and watched a little pre-church TV. Around 8:40, Lisa decided she needed to lay down "for 10 minutes". No problem, church starts at 10am, and I think it is bad karma to mess with a pregnant woman.So, with the remote in hand, I flip through the channels and come across Air Force One. I sit back and relax, realizing full well that we are never going to make it to church. Around 10:40, Lisa emerges from the bedroom, bleary-eyed and semi-panicked. "I can't believe I slept that long!", she says, "We can still make it to the last 2 hours!!"
I begrudgingly get up and jump in the shower. About 5 minutes later, my sweet, pregnant wife bursts through the bathroom door jubilantly exclaiming, "They found him! They found him!!" To which I, with a head covered in shampoo, reply, "Who found who?" She has tears in her eyes and explains, "The president! They found the president! They were all clapping and cheering!" I look over the shower curtain (a benefit of being so tall) to see her wiping tears from her eyes. I ask with a certain degree of disbelief, "Really?" She confirms with the simple phrase, "Sorry, I'm just a little pregnant right now."
Who would have thought Harrison Ford could have that kind of effect on a pregnant woman?
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
Eating For Two
Those who know me pretty well no that I am not a big eater. At least, I don't eat a bunch during a meal. Instead, I spread out my consumption of mass quantities over the course of a day - I am a grazer. But pregnancy has obviously done something to me.
My boss mentioned that back in the day (she's in her late 60's), it wasn't too uncommon for women to gain a lot of weight when carrying a child. After all, they were eating for two. With advances in medical science and a stronger grasp of nutrition that has been acquired over the years, women now know that they don't need to gain a ton of weight, and that too much weight is a bad idea no matter how you look at it.
But they don't tell this to the fathers. Or I missed the lesson that day. Why? Well, last night Lisa made salmon and jasmine rice for dinner. She wasn't quite able to finish hers and I had long since cleaned my plate and had dished up some more rice. She offered me the rest of her salmon. I declined since, after all, she's the pregnant one and she should eat it. She assured me that she was full, and dished her leftover onto my plate. It was gone in probably 2 minutes. Seriously, I ate almost an entire salmon and three servings of rice. But that's not the weirdest part!
Probably 90 minutes later I decided I needed a snack, and a big bowl of Lucky Charms was going to make me happy. Keep in mind that we are whole milk drinkers. Anything less just isn't milk.
Lisa pointed out my mass consumption and laughed. I seriously never eat like that. Granted, I won't make a habit of it as it just isn't my personality. But who knows? Maybe this is the time in my life where I balloon up like the Michelin Man and become a fat lard. Nah... having thought about it, I decided that idea sucks. But still it was enough to make both of us laugh.
My boss mentioned that back in the day (she's in her late 60's), it wasn't too uncommon for women to gain a lot of weight when carrying a child. After all, they were eating for two. With advances in medical science and a stronger grasp of nutrition that has been acquired over the years, women now know that they don't need to gain a ton of weight, and that too much weight is a bad idea no matter how you look at it.
But they don't tell this to the fathers. Or I missed the lesson that day. Why? Well, last night Lisa made salmon and jasmine rice for dinner. She wasn't quite able to finish hers and I had long since cleaned my plate and had dished up some more rice. She offered me the rest of her salmon. I declined since, after all, she's the pregnant one and she should eat it. She assured me that she was full, and dished her leftover onto my plate. It was gone in probably 2 minutes. Seriously, I ate almost an entire salmon and three servings of rice. But that's not the weirdest part!
Probably 90 minutes later I decided I needed a snack, and a big bowl of Lucky Charms was going to make me happy. Keep in mind that we are whole milk drinkers. Anything less just isn't milk.
Lisa pointed out my mass consumption and laughed. I seriously never eat like that. Granted, I won't make a habit of it as it just isn't my personality. But who knows? Maybe this is the time in my life where I balloon up like the Michelin Man and become a fat lard. Nah... having thought about it, I decided that idea sucks. But still it was enough to make both of us laugh.
Monday, August 03, 2009
Bachelor Week!!
Lisa has tickets to go to the tapings of the finale for So, You Think You Can Dance. This show is, by far, Lisa's favorite. No amount of nausea could keep her from this opportunity. She is going with her sister, Amy, and Amy's friend, Ginger. Lisa's taking the kid and I will have the whole house to myself. No nauseous wife, no crying kid... wait... scratch that.
Generally speaking, when Lisa leaves town to have some girl time with her sister or her cousin, I always have the best-laid plans to do nothing but sit around, eat pizza and play video games. I think that of the 5 trips Lisa has taken, from recent memory, I managed to actually fall into a video-game-induced torpor, well, none of those times. This time would prove no different. Generally, I get distracted working around the house. I do a good, deep cleaning of the floors, I scrub the kitchen and work in the yard. I take care of any maintenance items and by the time it's all done and I actually sit down with my friend Mr. Xbox, Lisa is calling to say she is on her way home.
However, this time was probably a 50/50 split. Like any good kid, I did all of my chores before I went outside to play. In a quick bit of honest disclosure bordering on stupidity, I was a Friday night homework kid. Yep, I would get home from school on Friday and do my homework that night, thereby leaving me a free weekend. Joke's on me though, as my Sunday was usually spent alone while all of my friends were doing their homework. Hmmmm... explains why I didn't date very much. Now that I've depressed myself with my lack of middle-school social life, I have to re-assess my own thoughts on when our child should do homework... who am I kidding, this kid will totally take after Lisa! Sunday night (or Monday morning) it is!
Generally speaking, when Lisa leaves town to have some girl time with her sister or her cousin, I always have the best-laid plans to do nothing but sit around, eat pizza and play video games. I think that of the 5 trips Lisa has taken, from recent memory, I managed to actually fall into a video-game-induced torpor, well, none of those times. This time would prove no different. Generally, I get distracted working around the house. I do a good, deep cleaning of the floors, I scrub the kitchen and work in the yard. I take care of any maintenance items and by the time it's all done and I actually sit down with my friend Mr. Xbox, Lisa is calling to say she is on her way home.
However, this time was probably a 50/50 split. Like any good kid, I did all of my chores before I went outside to play. In a quick bit of honest disclosure bordering on stupidity, I was a Friday night homework kid. Yep, I would get home from school on Friday and do my homework that night, thereby leaving me a free weekend. Joke's on me though, as my Sunday was usually spent alone while all of my friends were doing their homework. Hmmmm... explains why I didn't date very much. Now that I've depressed myself with my lack of middle-school social life, I have to re-assess my own thoughts on when our child should do homework... who am I kidding, this kid will totally take after Lisa! Sunday night (or Monday morning) it is!
Baby's First Photo
So last Monday was the first ultrasound, and our first glimpse at our now olive-sized bundle of joy. This first visit was basically to set a due date and check the heartbeat. Yep, the little one is quite the metronome, with a normal heart-rate of 160bpm. When the sonographer flipped the audio switch and we could hear the steady bum-bum-bum-bum (it sounds like someone hitting one of those balloon-on-a-rubber-band punching balls in an aqueous environment), Lisa reached down and held my hand. In my eyes were - no tears. Sorry ladies - I truly am made of stone. My joy doesn't generally manifest itself that way - ask me again in 12 weeks when we have the second ultrasound, or again in another 7 months when the little one comes into the world.
However, I really think it would be funny to bring an MP3 player with some small speakers to the next ultrasound and play some cheesy music from a movie like 'Father of the Bride', or perhaps '9 Months' to play once they get the image on screen. Yeah, Lisa thinks I have problems. My only response is oh well - that's 50% of this youngster's gene pool. But think of all the fun this kid will be? With my odd way of looking at the world and wit mixed with her keen ability to communicate in a way that is only 'Lisa', this kid is going to provide hours of entertainment. Seriously - I expect my little one to emerge not crying, but rather exclaiming, "Hey everyone, come see how good I look!"
Anyway, the ultrasound was a success - even though it took a grand total of 5 minutes. Who knows how much my out-of-pocket is going to be, but I am sure it will feel like the financial-equivalent of prison rape. Next time, I am bringing popcorn, since they put it on this huge screen and bring the lights down low. And I have to get me one of those machines. I don't know what practical use it will be outside of a medical setting, but it has way too many buttons and gizmos for me to not want one. I would be trying to get ultrasonic images of everything! Check out the first picture of my little olive. Don't you just love how they have to put an arrow pointing to the baby? Yeah, there were three other angles that were way better, but I guess they have to take pictures akin to capturing Sasquatch - even if you look closely, it's still a blurry, fuzzy mess.
However, I really think it would be funny to bring an MP3 player with some small speakers to the next ultrasound and play some cheesy music from a movie like 'Father of the Bride', or perhaps '9 Months' to play once they get the image on screen. Yeah, Lisa thinks I have problems. My only response is oh well - that's 50% of this youngster's gene pool. But think of all the fun this kid will be? With my odd way of looking at the world and wit mixed with her keen ability to communicate in a way that is only 'Lisa', this kid is going to provide hours of entertainment. Seriously - I expect my little one to emerge not crying, but rather exclaiming, "Hey everyone, come see how good I look!"
Anyway, the ultrasound was a success - even though it took a grand total of 5 minutes. Who knows how much my out-of-pocket is going to be, but I am sure it will feel like the financial-equivalent of prison rape. Next time, I am bringing popcorn, since they put it on this huge screen and bring the lights down low. And I have to get me one of those machines. I don't know what practical use it will be outside of a medical setting, but it has way too many buttons and gizmos for me to not want one. I would be trying to get ultrasonic images of everything! Check out the first picture of my little olive. Don't you just love how they have to put an arrow pointing to the baby? Yeah, there were three other angles that were way better, but I guess they have to take pictures akin to capturing Sasquatch - even if you look closely, it's still a blurry, fuzzy mess.
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